from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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