I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
