I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's official drugs can't kill me
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
