Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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