3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
