Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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