he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
