I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
