i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
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The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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