Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
