Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
