redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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