i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
soo... how was my night?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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