Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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