We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
