I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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