saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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