Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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