we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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