I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
