I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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