if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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