$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
too bad you live with your parents still
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
