i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
