the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
