I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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