I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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