I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
