im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
