I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
