Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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