I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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