He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
