And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
