I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He kissed a someone with a penis
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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