your parents love me but you hate me
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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