Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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