Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's never too late to be topless.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
