Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
