If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
