wakey wakey hands off snakey
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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