You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
