Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
