I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize