My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
