He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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