Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
