I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
