Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
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the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
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Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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