My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It's shark week go big or go home
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
