Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I will die if light touches me.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
