Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
