I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
