How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
