i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
