I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
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I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
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Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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