I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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