There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
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my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
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I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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