you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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