I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
