He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
