you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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