Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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