i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
