i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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