can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
