Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
